India's Overpopulation Explained?

Statistically speaking, if you're a dude it turns out you probably shouldn't want to be Asian, Jewish, Irish, German, or, the newest kid on the cursed block: Indian (if you know of other ethnic groups to whom this trend applies, feel free to share that info with me, I'm an equal opportunity offender, and I'd hate to discriminate, ha ha).

An extensive 2-year study conducted by the Indian Council of Medical Research has found what could be the primary reason for their alarmingly high condom failure rate: the average Indian dude does not quite... ahem... measure up, and so the condoms sort of slip right out (I wonder what would happen if they get the non-lubricated regular-sized type).

The findings will result in national recommendations for smaller standards in Indian condom size, which would deviate from the currently accepted international standard.

There are some obvious consequences from the current situation: sexually transmitted diseases are much more likely to be transmitted if the supposed barrier between lovers is lost somewhere on the bed (or inside the female???). Also, unwanted pregnancies are more likely to occur this way.

This might partly explain why India is as overpopulated as it is: despite the many obstacles an Indian dude must overcome in order to get laid, such as, let's face it, the funny accent or the technological geekiness, their chances of unwittingly passing on their genes to the next generation are highly increased with this unforeseen slippage. When you think about it, this funny combination might actually allow more of their genes to be passed on, relative to other better endowed groups, which would result in even more dudes with funny accents, geekiness and small members every consecutive generation... Obviously, though, this whole ordeal would be frequency-dependent, so I won't be making any actual claims, ha ha.

The funny thing about my outrageous hypothesis is that it could be scientifically tested: apply the same prediction to other not-so-blessed populations and figure out if there's a bit of an overpopulation problem... so you might want to try populations like, say... I don't know... China? The Jews? The Irish?

Oh man... there are just some things someone like me should never find out... for everyone else's sake...

Source of the finding (not of the outrageous claims): Seed Magazine