Todd Akin, Republicans and "Legitimate Rape"

As you may be aware, Congressman Todd Akin has been receiving fire from all directions for his stupid, right-wing ideological, scientifically illiterate and insensitive remarks about how women who are victims of "legitimate rape" have natural physiological mechanisms to prevent pregnancies, implying that women who do get pregnant after being raped were not really raped. Everyone's been jumping on the response bandwagon, and so I can do no better than to summarize what's going on.

First we have the folks from Mr. Deity promoting the "mourning-after pill," for those ladies who may have "enjoyed their forced sexual encounter just a little too much":

And while Republicans are acting all offended by Akin's remarks, one should not forget that Akin's real sin is to make public what these heartless jerks really believe and have actually made their official party platform (and I'm talking even prominent Republicans like Paul Ryan and Mike Huckabee, not just fringe conservative outcasts).

Thankfully, the good folks at The Young Turks don't let these conservatives get away with these Republican bullshit public relations spins:

And if the whole idea that female bodies can prevent pregnancy due to forcible copulation does sound familiar to you, that's probably something you learned in this previous episode about sperm, but it wasn't about women... it was about ducks!

Here's a little more on that, plus some actual footage of the weird duck corkscrew penis...

And let's not lose focus about why conservatives are calling out for Akin's withdrawal from the race. It's not about their concern for women's health and reproductive rights, as if... it's about what will happen to the GOP come election time...

I swear... you cannot make this stuff up... If you care about women and their rights at all, make your voice heard in the elections, and vote these jerks out of office...

But of course, some of the best responses to this story come to us courtesy of The Onion.

First, we have the good news headline: Woman relieved to learn her rape was illegitimate.  The victim of a brutal sexual assault last month, Martha Byars confessed that “Being violently coerced into having sex was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, so I take comfort in knowing it wasn’t actually rape. Thank God for that,” she added. “I’m so relieved to know that my child’s father, the man who muffled my screams as he forcefully penetrated me over and over and left me hemorrhaging to death on the street, is not a rapist.” Hallelujah!

Then, in its story "I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being'," we learn that this may have all been a misunderstanding based on a poor choice of words by Akin. What he really meant to say is "I am a worthless, moronic sack of shit and an utterly irredeemable human being who needs to shut up and go away forever. I am an evil, fucked-up man who should never have been elected to the United States Congress, and anyone who would vote for me is probably a pretty big fucking dumbshit, too. I am not a competent or respectable politician; I am, essentially, a subhuman monster of a prick, a prick as profoundly insensitive as he is monumentally unintelligent in every respect; somebody should apply dozens of layers of duct tape to my mouth every morning so that words are not able to exit my large, dumb, misogynist, imbecilic mouth at any point; I make the planet worse; I don’t know jack shit about any of the topics I spoke about in that interview, or about any topics at all, really; I should apologize every day to the women of the world, but doing so would most likely be an exercise in futility given my rock-bottom intellect and my complete and utter lack of human decency; I am, in no uncertain terms, not even worth the time it took you to read this."

And of course, while Akin may be an utter dumbshit, that in no way reflects GOP views, since Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments as Blemish on Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record...

But even after all this, Akin has not withdrawn from the race, and in fact he's just barely behind his opponent, so before you faint in disbelief, you should be aware that Poll Reveals You Live In Country Where Mentally Ill Man Still Has Good Chance Of Being Senator.