My Job Application to Yahoo

So, given the funny news from this entry, I decided to try my luck and apply for the newly vacated job opening at Yahoo. Unfortunately, I have not heard from them yet, so I'm thinking there are a few possibilities: they thought I was merely mocking them; they loved it so much they haven't stopped laughing in a few days; they are considering the best possible incentives to bring me aboard; they are composing a kick-ass response to mine.

The ironic thing is that if I were to get this job, I'd eventually get fired from Yahoo for using Google products as much as I do... ha ha ha. Mmmmphmm... I wonder if Google has an Erotica Department?

Anyway, here is the letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to apply for the Editor position that recently opened in your Erotica department, due to the termination of Fred Munk, as posted here.

I have been accessing pornographic material, as a personal hobby, for years. A great part of my college years was devoted to just such a project. I would have majored in this discipline, but regretfully my University did not award any degrees in this field. I tried my luck at comparative female anatomy, but, again, this only proved to be a personal hobby and not something for which I could get research funding or a degree.

I take this activity very seriously, often devoting multiple hours a day to the endeavor, though never at work... although I'm obviously looking to change that with your company. I have been doing this, as I said, for years, on a completely voluntary basis, without any kind of pecuniary remuneration. That is how strongly feel about the subject...

After reading the news about Mr. Munk, I simply could not believe that there are people who would fail to devote themselves fully to such a rewarding occupation, and decided that I should take it upon myself to take some initiative and apply, since there is no conceivable way I can see myself being terminated for failure to perform my employment obligations, especially at a job such as this.

I am a motivated worker, with a great work ethic, willing to work as much and as hard as necessary, no pun intended. I find no objection to working overtime,and would rather welcome the opportunity. Although I am a team player, I am also perfectly capable of working alone. You can rest assured I will be fully devoted to performing my job duties without any kind of supervision. As opposed to Mr. Munk, who was quoted as saying: "I'd be pounding out some hot code and then the boss would come by and I'd have to quickly switch to Jenna Jameson taking it from behind... She kept catching me with Emacs open," showing his complete lack of professionalism and respect for such a noble profession, this kind of situation would simply not take place with me... It would be outrageous to even think so!

I believe the porn industry is one of the leading engines driving this great nation, even though they are usually neglected, ridiculed and overseen by the majority of the population. The hard work that the thousands of underpaid young female adults perform in this industry is generally unappreciated and I, for one, would like to devote more time to exposing their plight to the rest of the world and raise more social consciousness so that their working conditions may improve. The joy and happiness they have produced world-wide for millions of people over the years is probably greater than many other philanthropic institutions who are constantly recognized for their efforts.

But I'm sure you already agree with my views, so I apologize for preaching to the choir. In any case, I'd like to make it known that I am very interested in this position, and that I believe I would be a great contribution to your professional team. I look forward to hearing from you and scheduling an interview where we may further discuss my qualifications and the benefits packages you offer.

Respectfully yours,
Roberto Ruiz