Annual Valentine's Day Stoning of Annoyingly Happy Couple

As we all know, today is the day everyone gets to celebrate the commercialization of love, and lovers all around the world get a whole day (minus all the time it takes them to sleep and go to work) to make up for taking their loved ones for granted the rest of the year. This is also the day those really annoying couples who are normally all up on each other's business get to flaunt their co-dependent obsession to the rest of the world.

I know what you're thinking... wouldn't it be great if this day also included a tradition involving stoning at least one of those disgustingly annoying couples to death? Well, wish no more, The Onion has listened to your prayers...

And if that reminded you of Shirley Jackson's macabre short story "The Lottery," have a listen:

Or you can read the original story as it appeared in The New Yorker, and if you're still hungry for more, why don't you check out the literature tag?
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