2009 - A Year in Review

This year was nuts! I met a lot of interesting new students, fomented some new friendships, my girlfriend left me (then she came back... they always come back :) ), I broke my ribs two months before I was supposed to run my first marathon ever, I broke into the White House, but enough about me... here's what happened all over the world!

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Hat tip to Shannon!
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Hungry and Dangerous Animals

The natural world is full of amazing and inspiring scenes, but it's also the source of almost unimaginable cruelty and violent predation, as the following amazing pics from this past year demonstrate (of course, they're no match for the destruction and mayhem we humans can inflict on everyone):


This shark is three and a half meters long... and was bitten almost in half by a great white twice as big... wanna go for a swim? :)



This croc figured the closest distance between two points is a straight line... unfortunately that meant walking over a herd of hippos who confused his laziness for a direct threat to their calves and decided to kill it... I always thought laziness never killed anybody, but maybe I have to reassess that presumption now :)



Sharks are not always what you should fear in the ocean... not when there are 15-foot long salt-water crocs feasting on shark :)



An Olive python drags its wallaroo dinner up a gorge to bring it home for dinner.



Don't try to eat a toad unless you're too big for its mouth. This snake learned that lesson the hard way.



Dogs like to chase their tails and consistently fail to catch them. This snake saw something moving and went for it. Unfortunately, it didn't realize it was its own tail...



What to do... what to do?



This seal just managed to escape a sure and cruel death at the mouth of this killer whale.



When being chased by a killer whale on the hunt, it always helps if you can fly.



I don't know what these two boys are fighting about, but I wouldn't stick around to find out...

Via Telegraph.
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Picasso's Guernica... in 3D

I have to admit that, out of all philosophical branches, aesthetics is the one I'm least familiar with. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Kant's defense of formalism in his Critique of Judgment and other classic texts, but when it comes to modern art, I'm a complete ignoramus. I'm one of those people stuck between wanting to admire certain works of art and wondering whether they were produced by a five-year-old (or even by a chimp or an elephant).

Well, someone has taken the trouble to make Picassso's Guernica more accessible and comprehensible in this wonderful little animation:

Check out more goodies in the art tag.
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Watch Out! She's Ovulating!

Mother Nature is a tricky bitch... When you're enthralled in the heat of passion, when you can think of nothing more than devouring your sexual partner or inhaling his breath, that's ultimately Mother Nature trying to use you to produce the next generation of little bastards who will one day replace you, and it all starts way before you're feeling horny...

Of course, things get worse from there, as you then have to poop out the equivalent of a watermelon nine months later...

But then the little bundle of joy makes it all worth it in the end... :)

Don't say I didn't warn you :)
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Paranormal Activity Deleted Scenes

I don't know if you watched the movie Paranormal Activity. As a rather staunch materialist, I don't subscribe to the ridiculous notion of spooks, so the whole idea of horror ghost movies is normally lost on me, since I can't get scared by something I don't believe exists. Take me on an elevator to a 5th floor, though, and I'll totally poop my pants!

Anyway, I try to be the kind of person whose beliefs are based on evidence, and though I didn't use to believe in ghosts, this movie has managed to make me a believer and re-evaluate all my physicalist assumptions:

Well, to be fair, what really made me change my mind were the following deleted scenes. I challenge anyone not to believe in the supernatural after viewing this:

Now those funky smells in my room finally make sense :)
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The Night Before Christmas, Ninja Edition

Gather round as Grandpa Ninja recounts the classic tale of The Night Before Christmas, except this version includes the brutal murder of the narrator and his wife at the claws and hooves of Santa and his deadly paindeer :)

Too bad he didn't wait until NORAD took care of Santa. Merry Christmas!
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Mr. Deity Believes in Santa

You've seen him before, and you might think he's gullible and naive as hell, but when he tells you that he believes in Santa, Mr. Deity's got all kinds of circumstantial and uncorroborated kinds of evidence to prove once and for all that magical beings like Santa really do exist.

I'm sold :)

And if you don't believe Mr. Deity, here is some of the NORAD footage chasing Santa around the globe:

When NORAD tried to communicate with the then UFO, the only response it got was "ho ho ho." NORAD had no choice but to shoot it down:


Luckily, Santa managed to avoid the missiles, but didn't notice the incoming plane...


R.I.P. Santa... :)
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VISTA - The World's Most Powerful Survey Telescope

Light pollution here on Earth has been annoying astronomers pretty much ever since Thomas Edison invented the light bulb... thanks, jerk! :)

This is one of the reasons we sent out the Hubble telescope out to space, but you can also watch the beauties of outer space from Earth, even on the cloudiest of days or nights, if you look at them through an infrared filter. The VISTA Telescope (Visible and Infrared Survey Telescope for Astronomy) recently started to work, and it's already revealing captivating pictures.

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Merry Squidmas!

The true meaning of the holidays is increasingly lost on most people, especially those who make mention of some mysterious so-called 'Baby Jesus' (or some such name... I can never quite understand it, spell it or pronounce it).

I say we go back to the basics: All Hail Cthulhu! :)

And if you really want to pay homage to our overlord, you must listen to this tribute by Metallica.

Via Pharyngula.
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The Allegory of the Beer Cave

Philosophers are duly concerned with the difference between appearance and reality, and as I've been furiously and deliriously slaving away with end-of-semester grading (yeah, I've been sick as a dog too), the difference between real intellectual writing and mere shadows of puppets of genius has somewhat become blurred in my own mind, which it's why it's always wise to go back to the classics, in this case Plato's allegory of the beer cave :)



[Glaucon] And now, he said, to prove my understanding of your meaning, let me show you a similar figure—Behold! Humans living in a beer cave which has an automatic glass door; here they have been since childhood when they first snuck in, and they are duct taped so they cannot move; and they have nose piercings which are snagged, being thus held from moving their heads and they must look only at a blank wall under a Super Bowl poster. Behind and above them the fluorescent lights are always on, and between the punks and the lights is a display area where beers are kept at a constant 34 degrees.

[Socrates] I see.

[Glaucon] And do you also see, he said, clerks passing along the display area carrying vessels of all sorts, and cardboard stand-ups of models and original party animals?

[Socrates] You have also shown me strange images and strange prisoners, I replied.

[Glaucon] So much like ourselves, they only see their own shadows and the shadows of one another on the wall. And of the objects which are being carried, they would only see the shadows as well?

[Socrates] It is certain.

[Glaucon] And, he said, if the prisoners were able to speak to each other and see each other's shadows, would they not call each other "dude" or "bro" and also give names to the other shadows, like "babe" and "spuds"?

[Socrates] You may rely on it.

[Glaucon] And assume that the walls of the beer cave had an echo, and when one of the shoppers or clerks said something, would the prisoners conclude that the voices came from the shadows?

[Socrates] Without a doubt, I said.

[Glaucon] To them the truth would be nothing but the shadows.

[Socrates] The outlook is good for what you have said.

[Glaucon] And now look and see what would happen if one of the punks was freed and could see the misconceptions they had believed. At first, one would be in pain from the removal of the tape and the continued discomfort of the remaining glue. Then he will turn around and see the objects as they really are; the direct light from the neon signs will hurt his eyes, and he will not be able to see his former reality anymore. Further imagine when he is able to see the objects in the beer cave—what will be his reaction? Will he not be dumbfounded when asked to name the stand-ups and the beer-case-coliseum? Will he not think that the shadows of his former world were more real than these?

[Socrates] Most likely, I replied.

[Glaucon] Assume again that he is able to walk to the seeing eye, and the automatic door slides open, and he goes out into the convenience store, as is within the alcohol laws in this State; would he not wait in checkouts and see the tabloids and Slim-Jims, and would he not see them as being not real?

[Socrates] Signs point to yes.

[Glaucon] And, he said, if he went out in the sun looking for a party, would he not begin by going to baby showers and bar mitzvahs, as he would be too dazzled by more hardcore parties?

[Socrates] You may rely on it.

[Glaucon] Would he not then work his way up through ice cream socials and Tupperware parties to get to tailgate and toga parties?

[Socrates] Yes, but aren't they all?

[Glaucon] Finally, he said, our punk will be at a bachelor party on New Year's Eve on his twenty-first birthday at Mardi Gras in New Orleans under a full moon at midnight.

[Socrates] Don't count on it.

[Glaucon] With strippers and ten kegs?

[Socrates] Easy now, I warned.

[Glaucon] And when they run out of beer and have to send a freshman back to the beer cave, do you not think that he might look upon the changes he has made to himself and pity those still dwelling there?

[Socrates] It is decidedly so.

[Glaucon] What if he returned to the beer cave and saw the prisoners as they played games amongst themselves, predicting what the shadows would do? What if he sat with them and tried to play alongside them; would he not still be buzzed and unable to compete against them? Would he not be ridiculed by them?

[Socrates] Yes.

[Glaucon] Would he not have to practice going into and out of the beer cave to teach them to party? Whereas there are those that say that partying must be put into the soul, does not our dialogue prove that the ability to party exists in the soul already and the knowledge to use it must be learned by bits and sips?

[Socrates] It is certain, I said.

[Glaucon] Then those that have partied in the world must be made to sober up and return to the beer cave to take a turn living amongst the punks to make them the next generation of party hosts. For it can be said that the party at which the hosts are most eager to share their beer is always best, and in which they are most reluctant, the lamest.

[Socrates] Without a doubt.

[Glaucon] You must create for your future hosts a better party; for only in the State which offers this will they party who are truly awesome and fun; and all truly awesome parties must be hosted by a philosopher-partier.

[Socrates] Yes—definitely.

[Glaucon] Now, he said, if I have proven my understanding, shall we discuss how such hosts are to be trained, and parties to be planned and funded, which will, in turn, lead to the allegory of the man-cave?

[Socrates] As I see it, yes.

Via McSweeney's.
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Frito-Lay Scientists Discover Cheesium

I'm just as excited as anyone else over the discoveries that the Large Hadron Collider will bear out, but I'm not sure CERN will be able to compete with Frito Labs in awesomeness :)

This discovery might help explain why Fritolaysia cut off chiplomatic relations with Snakistan :)
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The Known Universe

You may have seen the documentary Cosmic Voyage with Morgan Freeman before, and its famous and powerful visualization of the powers of ten. If you haven't, check it out now.

Today's magnificent video, based on data from the world's most complete four-dimensional map of the universe (the Digital Universe Atlas from the American Museum of Natural History), takes you on a quick but fabulous journey of the universe as we know it today, departing from the majestic heights of the Himalayas and extending back to the very edge of time and space. Just sit back and enjoy the ride...

Update: Here is Carter Emmar, proving an explanation of how this project was put together, and how it's now being shared with schools and other educational institutions around the world.

I wonder if they used Google Earth :)
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Storm, by Tim Minchin

This is one of those really tough life dilemmas: totally hot chick you wouldn't mind doing at the drop of a hat, but whose sexy and curvaceous physical appeal is gradually overshadowed by the cringing sound of the repetitive, irrational and empty clichés she spews one after another... What to do, what to do?

Tim Minchin found himself in just such a situation and, bless his soul, decided to take the high road... or maybe that's because his wife was in the same room :)

Me? I can think of a few fun ways to preserve my sanity and keep her mouth occupied :)
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Summerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World

The Onion cracks me up! :)

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

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Oh man... my stomach hurts :)

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Justice - What Is the Right Thing to Do?

Episode 10. Aristotle's teleological understanding of the universe made him think of social and political institutions in terms of goals and purposes. If you understand the telos of a particular institution or practice, then you would also understand the appropriate means to ensure the excellence of said practice. Politics, for Aristotle, was the art concerned with the promotion of virtue and citizenship, and so a just society is one in which those who contribute most to the goals of the community are to be rewarded best.

Now, you might be asking yourself a very sensible question: how do we know the telos of some particular practice? Professor Sandel tries to make sense of this approach to considerations of justice by entertaining the case of Casey Martin, a disabled golfer who sued the PGA after it declined his request to use a golf cart on their tour. His case raises the question of the essential nature of golf and its purpose. Here's my take on it, and Professor Sandel seems to agree. Sorry golfers :)

Now, we all tend to think that freedom, justice and equality are worthwhile goals. The problem, however, is that to a large extent these concepts are inversely proportional to each other: that is to say, the more you have of one, the less you'll probably get of the others. Aristotle's approach to justice is no exception. If a just and prosperous society requires that individuals be assigned goals appropriate to their natural abilities, what room is there for personal choice and freedom? Worse still, if some people are naturally predisposed to slavery, as Aristotle thought, is there some way of rescuing the Aristotelian framework without having to accept slavery as a just practice?

Episode list: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
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The Tiger Woods Accident

I know the Tiger Woods story has monopolized the media, and everyone's sick of it, but it provides an opportunity for me to explain why I admire golfers as much as I do: somehow, almost magically one might say, golfers have managed to convince the world that what they do is a sport :)

But don't they either drive around the course on small electric cars, you might ask, or simply walk while a caddy carries their equipment for them? And, hey, the ball they have to hit doesn't even move!

All of which makes my point all the stronger: since they have convinced the world that their game is a sport, they have also managed to secure the hot chicks, whom they consequently take for granted and cheat on... there's a lesson in there somewhere.

Anyway, here is Saturday Night Live's amusing take on it:

And the 'multiple' mistresses are just his attempt to build his own 18-hole course :)
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Local Harlot Exposes Face, Neck

This blasphemer dared to show some neck? I cannot be held responsible if I end up raping her... obviously, it would be her fault that I can't control my own animalistic instincts... :)

Watch the short and highly symbolic film Submission, written by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, which depicts the plight of Muslim women and the wounds inflicted on them by their religion.
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Stephen Colbert - Conservapedia

Reality sucks sometimes, especially when your world-view is based upon the incoherent, bigoted, unscientific and self-contradictory ramblings of an ancient barbaric and illiterate people with a reputation for their fantastic sense of superstition and questionable moral doctrines.

So, what do you do in the 21st century when all available evidence and reality contradicts your backward beliefs? If you're anything like Conservapedia founder, Andy Schlafly, you make up your own shit and ask like-minded reality denialists to contribute to your propaganda. If someone questions why you are relying on the testimony of prejudiced non-experts, you use phrases like 'democratic process' and 'the marketplace of ideas,' and argue that the best ideas will rise to the top (because you've actively edited contradictory views out of the meme pool). And finally, you also try to discredit reality by calling it 'liberal bias.' Yes, it's pretty pathetic...

Of course, when you have to defend your tactics in public, like Schlafly does in this funny interview with Stephen Colbert, you're either going to argue in circles or you're going to contradict yourself... or both :)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Andy Schlafly
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

To get a sense of their delusional ramblings and their venomous rhetoric, check out their entries on homosexuality, evolution, premarital sex and atheism.
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Monkey ThreatDown!

Until this week, I have been working under the assumption that my blog readership was made up entirely of intelligent and curious people, but now that scientists have figured out Campbell's monkeys have a rich and sophisticated language and vocabulary, there's no telling when they might visit this blog.

So, for those of you interesting monkeys who make your way to this blog, here are some things you might want to watch out for :)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Monkey ThreatDown - Holes & Banana Too High
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

Yes, that yellow-hatted dude is a tricky bastard :)
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Obama Interruptus

Things have not been going too well in the White House recently, what with attention-obsessed party crashers sneaking in past the secret service, health care reform being stalled by congress douchebags who proclaim patriotism while being perfectly comfortable with private insurance companies sucking the life out of the American public, an increasing rate of unemployment, and corrupt foreign leaders who are a better alternative to create allegiances with rather than their terrorist counterparts...

Oye vay... :(
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DEA Recruits Lil Wayne to Use Up All Drugs in Mexico

I think we can probably all agree that the so-called War on Drugs has been a huge failure. Virtually all the money we've thrown at the problem has been wasted, or it's being used to house non-violent offenders with prison sentences often tougher than those for violent criminals (and let's not even get started with white collar criminals).

Fortunately, The Onion reports that the DEA has realized its previous tactics have been a huge failure, and have consequently revamped their entire strategy :)

Don't worry, should anything happen to Lil Wayne, the DEA has a fool-proof backup plan: deploy Amy Winehouse :)
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Visualizing Magnetic Fields

Magnetic fields are invisible to the naked eye, so how do we know what they would look like if they were visible? And how would we even know they exist in the first place? One of the first humans ever to attempt to understand the nature of magnetic fields was the British scientist Michael Faraday in what's now considered to be a classic experiment (amusingly recreated here with Stephen Colbert). This discovery led Faraday to invent the very first motor in history, so we all owe him a huge thanks :)

Essentially, what we can observe is the direct effect of magnetic fields on physical matter and how the latter behaves in its presence. Yes, just like iron filings on a piece of paper resting on a magnet, except that these fields are three-dimensional and chaotic structures whose geometry can change radically and almost instantaneously. NASA has put together a fascinating animation that shows just how these ubiquitous magnetic fields behave:

Learn more about Faraday's amazing contributions to science.
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Homeopathy - The Test

Homeopathy isn't some wacky fringe belief, as many scientists and skeptics tend to think; it's a wacky popular belief :)

When the early homeopaths noticed they were poisoning some of their clients with their made-up concoctions (and no one ever bothered to ask them where the rationale for those mixes came from in the first place), they had two basic options: admit the whole thing was a fraud, or come up with some desperate set of ad hoc made-up explanations to vindicate the theory.

Wouldn't you know it? They announced that it works, but that it relies on a principle of dilution that guarantees the the only thing patients would end up drinking is water. So they decided to sell 'homeopathic' water (yes, watery water) and other derived products. Now they couldn't possibly poison their clients. Good-bye lawsuits! And since there's a sucker born every minute, hello profits!

Despite the lack of scientific evidence confirming it, anecdotal accounts of the power of homeopathy abound, and there is a long list of celebrities who endorse it. Of course, whenever I get sick, I always ask myself what any other reasonable person would, wwjd?: what would Jenny McCarthy do? :)

If you do believe in the power of homeopathic medicine and wouldn't mind making some money, which I'm sure could come in handy in this downward spiral economy, you could always decide to enter James Randi's Million Dollar Challenge: prove, under controlled conditions, that homeopathy (or any other kind of supernatural phenomenon) works. Horizon decided to take the challenge...

Homeopaths, anti-vaccination loonies and other advocates of 'alternative' and more 'natural' forms of medicine, or prayer, which are not confirmed through empirical testing and systematic observation, are ultimately enemies of science, reason and evidence.

Learn more about them here, and protect yourself and your loved ones from their corrosive peddling of facile nonsense. It may seem harmless, but when it becomes a substitute for real medicine, it can turn deadly.
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Senator Diane Savino on the Marriage Equality Bill

Gay people want the same constitutional right to be miserable that the rest of us have. I don't quite get this preference myself (I'm skeptical of marriage in general), but the question is ultimately one of equality and justice before the law, not a question of religion or tradition or even of ethics. The role of government is not to legislate morality, taste, preference or popularity, but to protect all citizens and their rights, even their right to make choices that others might consider distasteful, foolish or downright revolting.

Most of the opposition to the legalization of gay marriage comes from religious conservatives who, aware that they can't use their religion to legislate for the rest of us, argue that gay marriage is a threat to the tradition of marriage. Wasn't that the same set of reasons their ancestors used to argue against interracial marriage?

In the following totally kick-ass clip, NYS Senator Diane Savino brilliantly shows that the real threat to the institution of marriage is precisely those who do have that right, those who have made a mockery of the very same institution they proclaim to want to protect :)

I'm sorry to inform that the bill was rejected by the Senate... oye... :(
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Church Canceled Due to Lack of God

If only religious leaders could be this honest :)



The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not pleased...
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The Vatican and Aliens

I don't know whether it's just a coincidence that just as reports uncovering the institutionalized cover-up of the sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests in Ireland became public, Vatican officials gathered to discuss the significance that the discovery of alien life might present for Christianity. The bad news might be that the whole religion is demonstrated to be a sham... the good news: new ass to tap :)

But of course, if your religious beliefs are based on the conflicting interpretation of vague and general statements inherited from a virtually illiterate culture with a historical record for being consistently shown to be false, you can become quite creative in how you decide to interpret potentially threatening information and do some pretty amusing mental gymnastics :)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Gold, Frankincense and Mars - Guy Consolmagno
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

They are looking for confirmation of alien life forms? Haven't they seen the Pope? :)
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Jane Goodall and Bill Moyers

World-famous primatologist and conservationist, Dr. Jane Goodall paid a visit to Bill Moyers this weekend. In this engaging discussion, they talk about her classic work with African chimpanzees and what she has been able to learn about humanity from her work with our closest evolutionary cousins.

Despite the increasing concern and helplessness many feel at the worrisome prospects of our impact on the environment, poverty and global warming, Dr. Goodall remains an optimist and shares some wonderful and inspirational stories of cases in which small groups of willing people have gotten together and managed to save what could have otherwise become extinct species.

Each of us can make a difference. All it takes sometimes is just rolling up our sleeves and getting to work :)

Check out the classic and awesome documentary Among the Wild Chimpanzees.
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Zombie Reagan Raised from Grave to Lead GOP

Bleeding-heart liberals and Obama-lovers... your days in power are over!

We've all known that, for a good while now, there has been no true and uniting spokesperson for the Republican party. Lately, all we've seen is a parade of buffoons, one more ridiculous than the next. But the search has finally ended: the GOP has raised the Zombie of Ronald Reagan from its grave, and the undead beast is hungry for brains... although I guess that's true for most of the recent GOP candidates :)

Not to be outdone, Sarah Palin is already working on her counter-strategy :)


Be honest now, if you were a zombie, wouldn't you hit that? :)
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