Record Number of Americans Settling For Sex At Home

Things are spiraling out of control: not only do you now have to pay two handjobs for a pack of cigarettes, and move in with your girlfriend to afford rent, it also turns out that the price of hookers is too high and you'll have to limit your sexual escapades to sex with your wife and the occasional baby-sitter.

Next thing you know, we'll have to take matters into our own hands :)
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