God Agrees to Postpone Apocalypse Until After Christmas

You may have been concerned with the rapture and the end of the world, but fear no more. The Onion reports that thanks to the Big G., you can now finish your Christmas shopping safely.

You think the Easter Bunny is going to be easy to catch? You obviously haven't seen how bad-ass he is, huh? You should check it out before you decide to act foolishly...
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