Hey ma, what's that, porn or rape?

What a day for hilarious news! Thanks for the submission, Andy!

The guy on the right, James Van Iveren, was arrested for violently breaking into a neighbor's apartment with a cavalry sword.

The dude is actually not a lunatic, although the CNN article unfairly tries to hammer the point that Van Iveren, who is 39, lives with his mommy. I think the picture doesn't help his credibility much either...

The reason he broke into the neighbor's apartment is that he heard noises that he thought were those of a woman being raped crying out for help. So, since he didn't have a phone to call the police, he decided to take matters into his own hands and save the damsel in distress without wasting any time.

To his great surprise, and I'm sure his neighbor's as well, no rape was being committed: the neighbor had been watching some porn with the volume on high. Hilarious? You betcha!

Van Iveren has been charged with criminal trespassing, criminal damage, disorderly conduct, and using a dangerous weapon, all of which could add up to a maximum misdemeanor sentence of 33 months in jail.

I totally want to laugh at this dude, since the incident itself is so hilarious, but I can't help but think that more than some loser he is actually a hero. And I don't mean a hero in the sense in which society now refers to anyone who doesn't die from forgetting to inhale and exhale a hero. This guy literally risked his neck to save someone he had never met, and threw convention and a front door to the air in his heroic attempt to help a fellow human being.

He shouldn't be getting any jail time... he should be getting a medal!

Oh, and someone should probably get him some porn to learn from so he doesn't make the same mistake again.
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